This has been a really tough couple weeks on me. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I’ve cried a lot. I’ve gotten angry a lot. I’ve felt hurt, betrayed, depressed, happy, and energized all at the same time.
Sometimes it gets to be way too much, and I know that I just have to push through it, but honestly it’s not always that easy. There are times when I’m spending an entire day thinking “what am I doing here? Why am I alive? Would it be easier for everyone if I just disappeared?”
The answer is NO. Absolutely not.
No matter how dark my sky gets, how deep I want to bury myself in the ground, I know I always have to pick myself back up.
Any time I think about what I’m doing here or why I’m alive, I remind myself that I’m here because I have a purpose. I think of how bad my daughter needs me. Even on her worst days, she always seeks comfort in her mama. And if her mama wasn’t here, she’d probably feel like I do. Which is unacceptable.
I tell myself that my friends and family wouldn’t be the same if I were gone. When things are REALLY bad, I know I have two of my best friends that I can always count on to pick me up out of the hole I’ve fallen into. They remind me that I’m smart, funny, talented, lovable, and that I deserve to find happiness.
I know how difficult it is to continuously try for everyone else and to feel like you’re not getting that same energy or effort back. I’m always the first one to offer help when someone is in need, or to remind people that it’s okay to ask for help when you feel stuck. No matter what happens SOMEONE will always be there. You just have to ask. (And yes, I know I need to take my own advice too!)
Something that has really helped with my mental health is staying off social media. I deleted Twitter a few years ago, I took a full year break from Instagram, I come and go off Facebook when I really need to de-stress.
And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to recognize toxic behaviour, whether is your own or someone else in your life. It’s okay to take a step back from people, from energies that disrupt your own. It’s okay to want to be happy and allow yourself to FEEL happy. Whatever you need to do or say to yourself to get through your difficult times, ITS OKAY.
With that being said, I encourage you to self affirm yourself daily. Whether you say the words out loud, write them down on a post it and stick it to your mirror, or come up with a mantra that you repeat in your head - you’ll be surprised how much your mind set can change with short, simple words. Some of my favorite self affirmations that me and my daughter practice regularly are:
I am beautiful
I am smart
I am kind
I am strong
I am worthy
I deserve to love, and to be loved
If you feel yourself in need of any help, please don’t hesitate to reach out! I’m always here for anyone and no matter what is said, it will remain confidential.
I have also provided a few professional services you can contact any time at the end of this post.
Until next time…
Reach Out (Mental Health, Addictions, Crisis Services)
Tel: 1-866-933-2023
Text: 519-433-2023
Kids Help Phone
Tel: 1-800-668-6868
Text: 686868
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